Is This Normal?

So, I had a full on panic attack last night because I think, for the first time, it dawned on me that I'm having a baby.

I've secretly thought very highly of myself for the last 8 months because I haven't been the slightest bit nervous about having a baby, but that's just not the case anymore. I realized that I don't really know how to hold a baby, much less how to feed one, change a diaper, give her a bath, etc. These may seem like really simple things to most people, but I have never in my life had any experience with babies. I have always been the baby.

And I realized that my mom has a job and she can't come live with me 24 hours a day after my baby comes and on Monday's my husband will leave the apartment at 7:45 in the morning and not come back until 11:00 at night and on the other week days, he'll only be home for a couple of hours during the day.

On Sunday, one of the counselor's in the bishopric asked me if I was ready and I said, "Oh yeah, totally ready," and this old lady walking past said, "It doesn't really matter if you're ready; that baby is coming anyway." And now I'm realizing that she's right.

And since I feel another panic attack coming on right now as I write this, I think I'm going to stop.

I guess I just need to remember that there are girls way stupider than me that have babies and somehow they turn out fine.

At least I'm not nervous for the actual labor and delivery part, but I'm sure that panic attack will come in due time.

Good Books

I just finished reading these two books, which came highly recommended by my sister:

I guess I can't technically have an opinion (at least an opinion that matters) on these until I actually have a baby and see if the techniques work. But they were both really, really good.

My favorite part about the The Baby Whisperer is when she talks about how there are five basic types of babies. One of the types is grumpy. She says that grumpy babies are "old souls" who have been on earth before in a different life. The hilarious thing is that she actually believes it. So obviously, her religious beliefs are slightly different than mine, but I still loved the book. I really hope that if Ashlyn is a grumpy baby that she was something really cool in her last life like a geisha or a superhero.

I would also recommend this book.

Gooper Scooper

I just wanted to say happy birthday to my very favorite little brother.


If I had one of these Happy Birthday Cupcake Mugs, I would totally give it to you, but I don't have one, so sorry. But I am singing the Gilmore Girls version of "Happy Birthday" to you right now.

My Hair Is Curly From All The Sweat

I so, so, SO wish it was cold enough to wear one of these or one of these.

Let's all pray that when I'm pregnant with baby #2, EJ and I are living in Alaska.

They need engineers there, right?

Good Day

Hooray for being 28 weeks pregnant today, which means I only have 12 weeks (or less) to go!

And hooray for my favorite president, George W., for sending me a big ol' fat check in the mail yesterday. Now Ashlyn can have a crib, a stroller, a car seat and lots of other fun baby things. Saturday is going to be a very fun day for me and a very good day for Babies R Us.

And hooray for my kitchen sink being dish-free for the last 2 1/2 weeks because I have faithfully emptied the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher!

Diapers

I've never changed a diaper.

And EJ has never changed a diaper.

Good thing my mom lives nearby so she can teach me how to change a diaper. But I have no interest in learning until my baby comes, so no, I do not want to change your child's diaper. That's gross.

But I do want this T-Bib.

The One Good Thing About Cleaning Checks

So, I've decided to become a cleaner person. Yes, I realize I've said that before and it hasn't happened, but I am 100% serious this time. I am sick of walking in to my kitchen and seeing a sink full of dishes, the counters covered with who knows what and a trash can that should have been taken out a week ago. I probably shouldn't admit the level of mine and EJ's disgustingness, but don't they teach you in AA that before you can recover, you have to admit that you have a problem? (I don't really know what they teach you in AA, but I've seen basic stuff on TV).

I refuse to force my child to live in what I live in (it's not like we live like those people with 98 cats that have feces and trash and lots of other gross things all over their house, but we are not clean people). The only time I make my apartment look presentable is when people come over, so hooray for my sister who is coming to visit later this week, which is forcing me to spend the next few nights cleaning!

And after I clean my apartment this week, my goal is to keep it clean and start cleaning up after myself every day. How sad is it that I'm in my 20's and I haven't learned how to clean up after myself yet? And after that, my goal is to teach my husband to clean up after himself every day. I'm not allowed to yell at him right now because I'm just as bad as he is, but I am looking forward to the day that I can yell at him and not feel guilty about it.